Lipstick & Danger

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May the Force–Seriously? It’s a MAMMOGRAM!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Get A Mammogram #3

So there I was, again, sitting in the waiting room, crowded with women and a few old men waiting on their wives. This time when they called my name I was ushered through a different door. The attendant wasn’t all smiley faced liked before when I came to get the mammogram. She wore black and instructed me to follow her. I obeyed the Darth Vadar-like impression and I kid you not! I swore I could hear the Vadar theme song playing as we marched into the cubicle area to remove my clothes. The only thing that amused me at the time was the hope of Chewbacca and Solo sweeping in to blast the crap out of the Vadar woman. Even though my half open pink inspired, flimsy jacket left a lot to be desired, I let myself believe Princess Leia would have been able to fight through this in such a getup. Then the next attendant took over.

Where was the chit chat, the smiles of encouragement, the inquiries about how my holiday had gone? This gal was serious as a heart attack as she instructed me to lie down on a hard table. No warm blanket to cuddle in as I contemplated my future! This time I’d get a sonogram with warm goo smeared on one of my girls. At first I thought about asking, “Do you think I could get that all over my body because it is really feeling pretty nice?” Then she applied the pressure. Yikes. “Hey, that smarts, sweet cheeks.” No I didn’t say that, but I really wanted to.

Soon enough she helped me up and told me to wait there on the edge of the cold table until the radiologist had a look at the sonogram. (Who am I kidding. It wasn’t soon enough. That hurt! I was sore for a week.) Maybe ten minutes later the door slowly opened; kind of like in a black and white Vincent Price movie where you cover your eyes. In walks the attendant and the radiologist. My expectations had hoped she wouldn’t need to speak to me. No such luck.

Apparently, there were a couple of places needing some investigation. My attention span took a flying leap at that point and I began to think; she is really young to be doing this, wonder what kind of makeup she uses, wow, her skin is peaches and cream pretty, I think I hate her.

“Any questions?”

My gut reaction was, am I going to die? Ridiculous. There would be a biopsy to make sure no further actions needed to be taken. They didn’t seem all that concerned as they talked about sticking needles in me for the procedure. I don’t like needles and I could imagine me puking on myself in the middle of it all. Just the thought of it made my blood pressure spike. But I remained a trooper; not a storm trooper, but I was pretty cool through it all as far as they knew.

So the appointment was made to come back the following week. Again the Darth Vadar music. I could have sworn someone said as I passed through the door to join my husband, “The Force is strong with this one.”

I’ll tell you all about that little jewel of an experience in post #4 in a few days. What do you think? Ready for your checkup? Do yourself and your family a favor; get a mammogram every year. Don’t delay it like I did. Cancer affects all our lives in one way or another. Early detection is the key to success. Be proactive.






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