Lipstick & Danger

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When I Climbed Mt. Everest…

There I was, twenty feet from the summit, my Sherpa smiling proudly knowing that all my dreams of being the first blonde, thriller-writer to make it to the top was about to come true. Then I made one wrong step. My feet slipped out from under me and down I went to crash my knee against an outcropping of rocks. Fortunate for me because it broke my descent into an abyss, I would not have survived. And now twelve years later I face a total knee replacement. I had the whole book planned out as you can see.

For one thing, I’m afraid of heights. I don’t like the cold. And I’m in the same physical shape as a wet noodle. The mere thought of being at 29,000 feet above sea level and having to say just before the summit, “Wait! I have to go to the bathroom!” is so not me. Hand sanitizer is my perfume of choice and I’ll wear a mask if I even think someone has a cold. I’m not going to wear a sock hat that will mess up my hair. Are you serious?

Well…I really did bust my knee. That part is true. I like to tell the Mt. Everest story because it is so much better than what really happened. You better sit down for this. I walked out of my classroom and stepped on a discarded pencil eraser and went splat all over the hall. I was spread out like cold supper! Since it was about an hour after school, there wasn’t a crowd to fall down laughing at my audition for clown school. Several sixth graders waiting on their moms, saw me and ran to help. Full of pride, I held up my hand, and assured them I was okay. Truth be told, I wanted to cry like a baby. Man did that smart!

Yes, I fantasize about strapping on a pair of titanium crampons, layering up with my fleece clothes and of course, wearing the heat-exchanging, wired face mask for protection against Khumbu-cough. Then there are the tall tales to exchange with your fellow climbers as you struggle to breathe. Alas, I live through research, books, documentaries and people who have actually done this amazing feat.

So, to make a twisted story short, I’m having knee surgery in two weeks. Since I’m a control freak, and believe it or not, very independent, I’m expecting a few weeks of tears, frustration, “where’s my coffee,” moments. My dogs are going to have to get use to the hubby not snapping to attention to their every bark and whine, the flowers may need watering, dust bunnies may start looking like the Michelin Man and fast food might be it for a while. The upside is I’ll have to be a good girl and stay off Mt. Everest. Maybe I’ll finish my next two books instead of surf the internet.

What is your exciting adventure? I’d like to hear it.

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8 Responses

  1. Hahaha, you had me going there for a minute great story. I hope your knee surgery goes well and you get lots of words written in your recoop time. They’ll have you up walking the day of your surgery. You’ll walk better than you think and be your independent self again in no time.

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